I have sat down to write a million times. I have three drafts stored away. But there comes a time when people like me just have to sit down and power through it. I have nothing to write about.
First things first: if you don't already, listen to Rufus Wainwright. You won't get it at first. But try listening to "Pretty Things" from the album Want One when it's cold outside and you are inside sitting on a couch reading Eggers while sipping hot chocolate. And the Christmas decorations are out, if not necessarily hung up yet.
On a somewhat related note, if you ever have the chance to watch Ellen Degeneres do stand up, take that chance.
I'm thinking about moving to Chicago. I like it up there. It's cold, and there's nothing like the cold to let you know you're alive. There's nothing worse than room temperature. Extremes - that's what I need. And I met a group of people who inspire me up there. Missouri, I'll be frank with you: I'm no good for you, and you're no good for me. I love you, Missouri. I do. But just as I must power through to write this, so I must power through to a new place. And Missouri, you need some work. You've grown tired, lost sight. I'm leaving so that we can grow in our separate ways. I'll be back to visit, but only now and then. Not often. Because it's just ruined.
I'd like to go back to school. I really love school, in theory. I also really love people, in theory. When it comes down to it, though, to that place where everyone is gross but some people hide it better - when it comes down to that, it's very hard for me to love people. I get hung up on theory a lot.
I wonder if we talk about the sin of sloth enough. I don't treat it as seriously as I should.
Alright I think that's plenty of random thoughts for the night. Feel free to comment. I like bouncing around ideas.
4 comments:
very nice, very true when it comes to the thing about missouri.
i agree with you whole heartedly, and there's nothing more that i want than to leave, at least the southwest corner of it&go up north :o
i've been wanting to go back to school too which is another reason why i wanna go to stl. but you know what..? chicago has a school dedicated to photography.
so maybe..school in stl for graphic design, graphic design job to pay for photography school in chicago or cali. that'd be cool..
but i just wanted to let you know i read your blog&you still have an unmated tone to your writing.
<3
cold is good.
rufus is even better.
sloths, on the other hand, are NO good. but i am one of them.
one of my absolute favorite points in a friendship with any given person is when we reach the point where their particular grossness jumps out at me. because then i can accept it as that, and love them anyway. it's like there is a strange sort of great satisfaction and joy in loving someone despite their flaws. a much greater joy than the kind that comes with loving perfect people. or people that keep themselves far enough away so as to always seem perfect.
this took too long to write so now i shall go take some adderall and maybe go to class. just maybe.
rufus=very underrated.
and i also love chicago.
if i go to my second-choice college, i'll be there.
p.s. glad to have you back, even if it's just the random thoughts
p.p.s. i am a weird marriage of idealism and realism.
i love the idea of really, honestly loving people. but in reality i don't. how do we change? maybe you can write about that.
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