november

i keep forgetting to carry notecards around with me on which to write my incredible ideas.

this is a major problem i have: poor memory. a friend told me a few days ago about a conversation i had with her. i stared at her blankly while i desperately searched the reaches of my memory. no dice. maybe it wasn't an important conversation, but it sure sounded like one. i want to start remembering things again. i was good until the drugs broke me. it's a horrible thing to have the presence of mind to see memories slip away, to be unable to choose which to keep. but that's progress in itself, right? seeing it? before, i didn't realize i didn't remember. well, i did, but i was too high to care. i guess i do remember more now than nine months ago. i'm just impatient.

an aside: the question in that last blog i wrote would've been much easier on the eyes/ears had i written, "TO WHOM am i apologizing..."

in other news, november was a really good month, and some congrats are in order:

congrats to my new brother-in-law, for gaining an incredible partner. also for being a bigger nerd than jonathan (earnest basilisk soliloquy).
congrats to my sister, for taking a name of equal caliber to nix.
congrats to me, for not getting high in missouri for the first time in several years.
congrats to nicky and angela, for being the best people with whom to take a road-trip and, duh, be friends.
congrats to mr and mrs pope, for world's most outrageous bonfire and world's most thankful thanksgiving, respectively. we didn't burn down the neighbors'!

here's to the gradual healing of all wounds, by the goodness and power of my Lord Jesus.

and just clap your hands

either i'm feeling a little ee cummings or i'm feeling small, but i just went through and decapitalized my blog titles. maybe it's an aesthetic thing. maybe i wanted an excuse to use the word aesthetic in this blog because i love a chance to put a and e next to each other. maybe it's nothing. what i do know is i didn't have the patience to go through the content and decapitalize. in my more obsessive days, i would have done just that, would not have been able to sleep otherwise. but, thank God, i have some peace again.
i know what you're thinking: mm, let's take a look at your last few posts there, ian.
point taken.
now hear this: airing angst, for me, is better than not airing angst, and gives me peace.
unless of course my motives are wrong. if my motive is shining Light in dark places, good. i'd rather be able to see it than to keep mulling it over without identifying it. i'd rather have it out there than up here. (i pointed to my brain.) but from time to time, i have other motives, not as pure. motives i'm too tired to explore at the moment.

i've been emotional recently. a wreck in the mood for a wreck. if in my brash crashing about i've upset you, i'm sorry.

who am i apologizing to? ... nope, too tired.

soporofic, these subjects. (that word arrived in my head unbidden and i had to incorporate it. sorry. great word, though.)